


Pups and Tarts

by himitsutsubasa



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Books, Emotions, M/M, Master/Pet, Multi, Puppy Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 05:40:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4251519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/himitsutsubasa/pseuds/himitsutsubasa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry knows his pup. He knows his pup very well. Therefore, it comes at nothing less than a surprised when his puppy is a... chav.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pups and Tarts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cyberrat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cyberrat/gifts).



“That’ll be five pounds.” Harry bags the plush toy with a slight shift in his brow.

“Can you put yourself in the bag? Because I’d really like to take you home too.” The puppy finishes it off with a smirk and Harry almost falls over the boxes behind him.

What. The. Fuck.

Oh god. The tart, not his puppy, no his puppy needs to be coaxed out from behind the club and has to be cuddled into sweet, loving submission, has the audacity to wink at him. Wink like that tart hadn’t had his mouth on Harry’s dick last night and that they hadn’t had a very exciting tumble this morning.

Nope. This TART is using his PUPPY’S FACE to make all sorts of lewd looks and bad pick up lines. Lord save his soul. He is a good Catholic man - even if he hadn’t been to mass since he was seventeen and he isn’t exactly a good person. The only aspect of that statement still standing is the fact he is a man - but the point stands that Harry Hart does not deserve to have his world completely and irreparably shaken to its core by a TART who happens to be his precious baby sub.

Gary Unwin, as the credit card says, leans against the counter and smiles like the dirtiest underage porn twink Harry has ever seen and he’s getting a little galahard, if you don’t mind the pun and this is throwing him because puppy?!? Sexy slutty puppy?!? Slutty and sweet puppy is a street chav?!?? A RUDE street chav?!? Merlin is going to have a stroke. A fucking stroke. Then Harry’s going to be stuck with a dead husband and a STREET CHAV WHO LOOKS AT HARRY LIKE HE’S ON WEIGHTWATCHERS AND HARRY IS THE LAST BITE OF A TRULY DELICIOUS CHOCOLATE CAKE THAT HAPPENS TO BE ZERO CALORIES.

In other words, if it weren’t for the fact the store front is all glass and London, while a fan of modern performance art, is not in favor of amateur street porn, Harry would be balls deep in slutty sexy blond.

His brain refuses to process this and his age might be showing because he is still reeling like he’s been slapped by a ten by ten.

“Are we still on for tonight?” Gary asks, looking slightly hurt because Harry’s been staring at him with a look of abject horror for however long - oh fuck.

“Yeah. Yeah,” he affirms.

Gary leaves, still looking confused and Harry slumps down behind the counter internally, and possibly externally; it sounds about the same, screaming.

“Merlin?” Harry gasps into the phone. “We have a problem.”

* * *

Harry slips his key into the lock and thinks nothing of the sound of a squeaky toy coming from upstairs. After all, Merlin had made some noise that morning about checking their squeakers. Some, thanks to their pup’s aggressive play, no long have squeaker things. Others might have damaged ones and no one wants to accidentally choke the puppy.

Choking the puppy on purpose is a completely different thought and the soft carpets that litter the hardwood floor - all Merlin’s forethought most likely - make for perfect places to do just that.

“Merlin?

“Up here.”

Harry puts his jacket on it’s hook and pads up the stairs, shoes clicking as he goes. The rug for the stairs is probably going to go down after one of them checks that it’s dry. Stains are… hard to remove sometimes and require several washes and scented spray to make it respectable again.

The squeaking continues and Harry is not surprised to find Merlin sitting on the floor, surrounded by piles of toys.

They do spoil their puppy after all.

“I heard that our pup has a bit of a bite.”

The drawling tone catches Harry by surprise. Unsurprised, like Merlin knew….

“Did you know?”

“I ran into him while I was out with Roxy. He made a bit of a fuss.”

“A bit of a fuss” is either code for Eggsy was heartbroken and snapped at them, or he turned his tongue on Roxy… which could be an event in the foreseeable future seeing as Roxy and Gazelle could be convinced by virtue of being definitely interested in Merlin, even if the man had no idea that was happening, and therefore swayed by whatever he said in that Scottish brogue.

“Oh?”

“He’s quite talented at coming up with bad puns.”

“Indeed.”

Merlin continued testing the toys, sorting them into rapidly growing piles.

“Any objections?”

“None. You?“

“None.”

Merlin raised his brow, THE LOOK on his face.

Harry settled, his legs folded in the lotus position, shoes somehow gone. Where, he had no idea. It was that kind of magical convenience that made him wonder about the world as he knew it sometimes.

“He caught me by surprise is all.”

“Did you think he didn’t have a life outside of us?”

“I knew he had a life. I just didn’t expect…”

“A chav?”

“Merlin.”

Merlin’s smile reminds Harry of that time he came home to the neighbor’s cat, that little ankle terrorist, with a starling in its mouth.

“Dearest, may I remind you that you were a chav when I met you?”

Harry’s returning grin is more like a wolf’s if he gets to describe Merlin as a cat.

“Dearest, I will never forget the fact you Higgins-ed me into a gentleman and rode me so hard I still haven’t recovered.”

Merlin’s brows rise and he snorts. “Dirty.”

“Your bit of rough, my Eton boy.” Harry presses a kiss to Merlin’s nose.

The man hums with pleasure as Harry scoots forward, almost knocking over a mound of discardable toys. “Hm… So you’re alright being the pup’s spot o’ fancy?”

Harry smiles into their kiss.

“Absolutely.”

* * *

Eggsy shifts his weight from right to left. Then, left to right. Then, right to left again.

He’s pretty sure he’s blinding someone with the bright reflections off his jacket, but he’s a little too jumpy to care.

Left. Right.

Oh, god. What was he even doing here? Why was he here? He’d fucked up so bad.

Right. Left.

He’d been so surprised to see Sir at the shop.

Left. Right.

He’d let his mouth get away with him. His stupid mouth.

Right. Left.

He can’t see anything even though the door is mostly glass. Not even the vaguest shapes.

Left. Right.

It’s been a bit since he’s rung the bell. Are they… going to leave him out there?

Right. Left.

Not even the walk of shame. It’s the fucking guillotine. It’s the guillotine of don’t fucking talk to me.

Left. Right.

Shit. He really fucked up. He really fucked up.

Right. Left.

“Can you put yourself in the bag? Because I’d really like to take you home too.”

Left. Right.

Shit that was shitty as fuck shit shit shit…

“'ello, pup.”

Eggsy looks up.

Master. Master opened the door. Master wanted to see him? After what Eggsy said to Sir?

Master smiles at him gently, taking his hat off.

“Do you want to come in?”

Eggsy stares as Sir walks down the stairs with Eggsy’s collar in hand.

Eggsy walks in.

* * *

“We’re keeping him.”

Harry stares at Merlin and the Scotsman makes a face that Harry is pretty sure he has not seen since they were in Uni together. It’s a pout. It’s a, honest to god, pout. The last time he saw that Merlin thought he couldn’t have Harry because Lance thought draping himself over Harry all the time was funny.

Oh god, they are so gone over the boy. The boy curled up between them, snuffling into Harry’s chest, sheets pooled around his waist.

“We are keeping him,” Harry says, with conviction.

Merlin nods before turning over in bed, snores following right after.  

* * *

“Won", he thinks.

Korean. The reluctance to let go of an illusion.

Eggsy shows no “won". No, he dons his black shirt and stupid gold pants like he’s at home, getting ready for a day with his band of like-aged friends.

Harry on the other hand wants Eggsy, ugly pants and snapback and all, to stay forever, every last facet of him to stay with them forever, in this fragile moment of morning where they are not master and pup or gentleman and tart or shopkeeper and chav, but Harry and Eggsy and all the little things that would come with it. He wants that with a deep longing in his soul that he might call “saudade".

Portuguese. A longing for something lost.

Because this is an illusion. This moment he’s searching for is already gone or it never was because Eggsy will leave in the morning and he will return some evening with an itch and a whine, a street pup that manages to find its way back to its closest approximation of home whenever it needs it, and that burns away at the edges of the love he has for reality because Eggsy has a home. He has two of them in fact and he should never have to return to the other one when he has one here and  what ever problems need to be fixed, whoever needs to be saved, can be by a snap of Merlin’s magical fingers if Eggsy just asked.

Harry sets his hand on Eggsy’s shoulder as the boy puts on his shoes and hands him his belt when Eggsy motions for it, still struggling with his Adidas. “Merlin’s sleeping.”

“Walk of shame?” Eggsy asks, before flushing painfully pink, as they go down the stairs.

Harry tries not to liken him to a rose, a Paris in April rose, and fails because he has a vase of those in the dining room and his eyes immediately fall on that. “Your mother is going to get worried soon.“

Eggsy looks striken for a moment before swallowing. “Oh, that.”

He leans over towards the pegs to grab his jacket. The gold one, Harry notes, is probably the chav-iest thing Harry has ever seen, after the Adidas wings.

He pauses reading the names. Harry. Merlin. Pug.

“I never noticed,” Eggsy murmurs as he dons his coat.

“Hm?”

Eggsy flushes, soft and pink. “Wizards.”

Harry glances at the three pegs. They were a birthday present from Roxy. How the girl managed to be so talented at everything from ballet to hammering metal, he never knew. “Huh. Oh, yes.”

Eggsy runs his fingers over the designs almost reverently, tracing the soldered letters and curling E’s. “Merlin, obviously, and… Harry Dresden, right?”

Harry huffs with pride. Harry Potter is the general conclusion, but he is totally willing to admit to being a fan. “You never cease to amaze me.”

Eggsy flushes more if that’s possible and Harry can’t help but feel gratified that, even with this other persona Eggsy dons with his Adidas and tracksuit, he still wears his heart on his sleeve.

“Who is Pug?” Eggsy asks quietly, tracing the swooping P in awe.

Harry turns to the set up. His favorite wizards and… that’s Eggsy’s peg now. No doubt about it. “Oh. That’s Midkemia.”

Eggsy’s confused face of complete and utter befuddlement is precious and should be protected at all costs. “Midkemia? What’s that?”

‘An American book series. The Rift War Cycle.” Harry turns into the living room and it only takes him a second to snatch the book off the shelf. “Here. You might like it.”

Eggsy turns the book over in his hands, rubbing the corner of the cover with his thumb. “Magician?”

“An orphan boy is apprenticed to a master magician and they fight aliens.” The plot is more complicated that that, but Eggsy can find that out for himself. Maybe it’s spark a little “won" in him.

“Aliens?” Eggsy’s eyes widen comically and Harry can’t help a stab of affection for the boy.

“Merlin said much the same when I showed it to him.”

Eggsy, delighted, grins at the mention of “Master”. “Did he like it?”

“He only likes the very old classics,” Harry stage whispers.

Eggsy tucks the book under his arm, and stage whispers back. “Tolkien?”

“I’m sure he whispered his name during sex once,” Harry replies.

“So you’re the heathen.” Eggsy’s eyes alight on him with a deliriously happy shocked sort of awe that Harry wants to bottle up so when God asks him what he did in his life to deserve a key to heaven, he can shove that bottle in God’s face.

Harry puts his hand on Eggsy’s, where it rests on the peg.“Just so we are clear, you are going to read this entire series. You are going to borrow each book from me and you are going to bring them back when you are done and share your thoughts with me.”

“You mean…”

Harry drags his fingers up Eggsy’s arm, settling on the back of his pup’s neck to gently grip the skin there.“I want you to come back, Eggsy. Merlin may not admit it, but he and I care for you far more than we should.”

“Oh, stop it, Mr. Darcy. That’s no way to woo a girl,” Eggsy says, the flirtatious tone making something in Harry’s brain fire off a little wonky. “You realize this series is going to take months, at least. Maybe a year.”

“Well, then, Eggsy, I look forward to seeing you for the coming months, at least.” Harry smiles as Eggsy’s sharp grin slips into sweet gentleness. “Maybe a year.“

Eggsy looks down, weight shifting. “If these books are as good as you imply, months are not the only thing coming.”

Harry snorts, sighing, “You are going to be the death of me.”

Eggsy grins, wide and cheeky.

“Didn’t you hear, Sir? Harry Dresden lives.”

**Author's Note:**

> This section of fic is a long time coming and it feels so weird to publish this because it is really personal. The pet!play, not so much. I don’t know how to write that and I’ve never written that before, or tried that before so you’ll have to forgive me there, but the emotional aspects are definitely part of me.
> 
> Loaning a book to me is like asking me to stay until I’m done with the book. So… if I never return the book, it means I never want to leave. Though, if you want it back, I will hand it over. Hesitantly, but I will. Books are the most important thing in my life after people I care about. Now you all know something about me that most people don’t know about.
> 
> I kind of had to give Harry this because I found the book series (I haven’t read it yet, but it has been going for longer than Taron Egerton has been alive so I assume people like it.) and I had to give Harry a way to ask Eggsy to come home. As much as I identify with Eggsy, I definitely feel kinship with the part of Harry that is going to wonder why that beautiful, complicated boy chose him.
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope that you all have a wonderful whatever you’re having at the moment, margarita to morning.
> 
> If you have ideas/want more of this, I am totally open that. Also, that bit where Harry talks about becoming a gentleman for Merlin is adapted from [this fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/223134/chapters/336973)


End file.
